I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
