I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
