You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
