Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize