I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
