Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize