Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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