So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
