Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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