eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
