You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize