dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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