More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize