I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
