Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
