youre lurking in front of me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
