Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
