I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
