I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish i was in the wii world.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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