i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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