I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
