Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
