I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize