i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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