dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
