I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
