for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize