I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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