Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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