You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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