i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
