hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
