i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
