Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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