I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
