remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
