They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
