You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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