Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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