last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
