So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
