break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you still have your period?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
