I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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