on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize