Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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