It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize