Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
