stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize