We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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