what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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