When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize