I will die if light touches me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
pray to the hookup gods
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
