I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is my gift to your gina
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
