awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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