So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
