the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
