I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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