I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize