He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
