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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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