I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
