ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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