It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
