chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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