Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is wine microwaveable?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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