none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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