Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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