If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
